How to overcome fear of rejection and criticism.

Rejection and criticism sure do hurt but again you can’t control people’s reaction to you or what you do.

The best you can do is learn how to overcome fear of rejection and criticism. That will be a lot easier than ever getting people to understand you, your actions, your work, or even your decisions.

Here are a few steps to help you learn to deal with criticism and rejection from yourself but mostly from other people – your loved ones and enemies alike.

1. Do your best

Do your best and leave the rest to God.

There is a certain confidence you radiate when you know in your heart – that you have done your best.

Once you’ve done the best you thought humanly possible, even when you or your work gets criticized or rejected, you will have peace in your heart.

You did the best you thought possible, you put in all your hours, and if that is not enough, sorry for whoever does not appreciate that.

2. Believe in yourself

Once you’ve done the best you humanly know how to, believe it is good enough. After all – that’s the best you could do, there’s nothing more you can do about that.

So believe in yourself and your work, also believe you will find an audience who loves and appreciates you and your work.

J.K Rowling the author of the Harry Potter books was rejected 12 times by different publishing houses before finally publishing the first Harry Potter book.

The reasons she was given did not stop her from trying to get her work published because she believed in it.

Among the reasons for her rejection were her work was too long, too old-fashioned, too conventional, too weird, and many others.

But that did not stop her, she kept trying to get her work published, and eventually she did.

She found an audience that loved her too old-fashioned, too long and too weird books and that made her a billionaire.

3. Adjust your attitude

Your attitude tells a lot about how far you will go in life.

If you are going to crawl up in your room and cry every time someone says something negative, or untrue about you or your work, or criticizes you, you won’t get so far unless you brave up.

Once you have done your best, and believe in your work, what other people have to say shouldn’t bother you a lot.

You did the best you could, period. Now be positive that your work and efforts will pay off.

Take up the constructive criticism and use it to your advantage and ignore the negative and destructive criticism.

If they don’t appreciate you or your work, it’s simple – they aren’t your target audience so move on with your life and ignore everything negative they say.

4. Brave up

If you want to be great or successful at something worthwhile, you are going to face a lot of criticism.

Once you understand that criticism and rejection come as part of the success package, and learn not to take them personally, you are good to go.

People will reject you because they don’t understand you, because you are too good, getting too much attention, they just don’t like you, you are doing what they failed to do etc.

Once you make peace with the fact that people will reject and criticize you or your work for reasons best known to themselves, you are now ready to be successful and nothing will dim your light.

5. Understand that people are entitled to their opinions

Opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth. Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished upon anyone who will accept them. If you are influenced by “opinions” when you reach decisions, you will not succeed in any undertaking.

~ Napoleon Hill , Think and Grow Rich

I couldn’t have said that better than Napoleon did.

People’s opinions have a lot to do with themselves, their work, their feelings, and their mental health, more than they have to do with you or your work.

Next time someone hurls a hateful comment at you, understand that is just how they are feeling deep down. They could be battling some serious issues in their life, undergoing depression, mental health issues, etc., and that has caused them to be bitter.

Forgive their comment or hateful opinion and go on with your beautiful life.

6. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t

It’s just people, that’s how they are. They will criticize everything and anything. So whether you do something good or bad, it doesn’t matter, it will always get criticized and rejected by some.

Just do what is important to you, what makes you happy, what makes you feel alive and let go of situations beyond your control.

Reminding yourself that you’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t will help you overcome your fear of rejection.

7. Rejection is universal

Rejection happens to everyone at some point in life, no one is exempted from it.

Each of us has had one or more circumstances when one of our closest friends has ignored our text, a girl or boy you asked turned you down, someone made a hurtful comment about our work and so on.

Reminding yourself that it happens and will continue happening may help you fear it less and therefore release you from its grip.

8. Rejection can provide a basis for growth and self-discovery

For example, say you get rejected by a girl you really wanted to date and you thought you could be great together.

Yes, it will hurt at first, but it can’t hurt forever. The pain will eventually go away.

Instead of becoming bitter, you can instead decide to better yourself as a person, maybe you would work on looking better, healing from some unresolved issues you might have from your past, putting more time into your work and so much more.

Yes, you did get rejected, but you used it for your good and that’s a win too.

Looking at rejection as an opportunity for growth is a great way to overcome it and also lessen the pain if it does happen.

9. Look closely and identify what it is that scares you about rejection

Sometimes our fear of rejection isn’t entirely what scares us. Finding out the real reason rejection scares you is key if you are to address that fear.

Maybe you are scared of being rejected for the job you applied for because that would mean you won’t be able to pay your bills.

Realizing this will help you find ways to build other streams of income to make sure your bills are always paid.

10. Don’t make a mountain out of a hill

Overthinkers are usually the best at this, they imagine the worst possible and picture the worst case scenarios.

For example one will imagine not getting the girl or boy they like, then they will continue to think how that means they are not good enough, they will never get married, will not have children or a family, and will die miserably with no loved ones around them and so on.

All these thoughts cause them to worry more and even become more afraid to go for whatever it is they want in life which shouldn’t be the case.

This is called catastrophizing and it is not only unrealistic but will send you to an early grave. To manage this, you need to learn to face your fears and not just sit and imagine the worst possible.

11. Face that fear

Like all fears, fear of rejection can also be overcome by facing it.

So go after that job you want, go after that girl or boy, chase those dreams, learn that new skill, write that song, join that dance group.

Whatever it is you want to do, go after it, give it your best shot, and remember you’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t. So just settle for whatever you are comfortable with.

12. Encourage yourself

When others give you constructive criticism, take it and use it to better yourself and your work.

When you get rejected, be there for you, encourage and motivate yourself to keep pushing for more out of life.

Think positive and also show yourself some love and compassion as you would to a friend or loved one in the same situation.

13. Get a different perspective on your fears

Looking at things from another person’s perspective may help you overcome your fear of rejection and criticism.

Things may not be as bad as your head is making them out to be but also a listening ear could do you a lot of good.

Speaking to someone about your fears could get you a step closer to overcoming them, could help remind you of your worth, bring you comfort and also show you that you aren’t alone, we all have fears.

What defines winners from losers is how we handle our fears.

14. Seek professional help

If you have tried to overcome your own fear of rejection and criticism in vain, talking to a professional might come in handy.

They will shed more light on your issues and help you with overcoming them.

If your fear is causing anxiety attacks, distracting you from your everyday life, causing distress or leading you to catastrophizing, these seem may be signs you need to see a therapist before your fear gets completely out of hand.

How to overcome fear of rejection closing note

Fear of rejection and criticism will cripple your life and limit your abilities if you let it.

Choose to go after whatever is important to you and understand you will face a lot of criticism and rejection along the way.

Jia Jiang the author of Rejection proof also shares how he learned to beat fear and teaches you to become invincible through his 100 days of rejection project. To watch his TED video, click here.

Also, use the steps provided above to overcome it and keep reaching for higher in life.

We wish you all the best in your journey.