Forgive and forget or Forgive but never forget?

We have all heard the saying, Forgive and forget.

But the question is Can you really ever forget the wrongs done to you, the injustices, the betrayals ? Can you really forget what someone you loved or trusted, put you through? Can you really forget that they let you down, stabbed you in the back, or that they made your childhood, adulthood or a certain stage of your life a nightmare?

The answer will vary for all of us and that’s okay, we are all different?

The real question is Can and will you forgive yourself or those who hurt you? Whether or not you forget is not so much important and it will surely answer itself once you let go.

First, what is forgiveness?

Forgiveness means deciding to let go of feelings of anger, hate, resentment, bitterness, and even revenge.

You might have these feelings towards yourself or towards people that hurt you, betrayed you or even disappointed you.

Choosing to pardon the person or people in question will help you have peace of mind. That is the sole purpose of forgiveness. Choosing not to let go is giving control of your life to the person, people or situations that have hurt you.

Why should you forgive someone who hurt you?

Forgiving someone who hurt you can be difficult for many reasons especially if it’s your first time to attempt it.

Research also shows that good, honest, and loyal people find it harder to forgive those who hurt them. Good, honest, and loyal people tend to take things personally because they would have never done the same to you, and therefore they feel you ought to pay back their honesty and loyalty with the same.

But sadly, that’s not how the world works, people will hurt you regardless of how good you are to them, it may be intentional or even unintentional. But once the damage has been done, there can be no going back, only going forward. So whatever their reasons for hurting you, YOU NEED TO FORGIVE THEM, FOR YOU.


I know how unfair that sounds but forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for You.

Forgiveness doesn’t exonerate the perpetrator. It doesn’t justify their behavior. FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF. YOU LET YOURSELF BE FREE.

Holding onto the wrongs that have been done to you is like taking poison and hoping the other person gets hurt.

forgive and let go

You need to let go for you, for you to have peace of mind, for you to be happy because while you are unhappy holding onto the pain and bitter memories all they are doing is hurting you more and making you bitter. You don’t deserve that.

Let yourself be happy, be free.

Unforgiveness makes you center your life around someone who isn’t worth it. Someone who is busy living and enjoying their life. Someone who might even be unware that you are angry at them, or that they even hurt you in the first place.

When you choose to bear hate, anger, and resentment towards others, you build walls around yourself, you become trapped in an emotional complex of such people and agony. That negative energy begins to dominate your entire life. The best way to escape from this situation is to forgive people who hurt you.

Dr. Philip Mc Graw

Sometimes it’s hard to admit but letting go is much better than holding on to the pain. Yes, it will be hard in the start, but it gets better. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes. You will get to a point when you find it as easy as greeting someone.

Do you really ever forget and do you need to?

When you let go, you ignore the deed that hurt you every time you remember it.

Whether or not you let that person back into your life or not is up to you. Some people are toxic and better kept out of one’s life. The beauty is YOU CAN FORGIVE SOMEONE AND STILL NOT WANT THEM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. Them coming might mean more headaches for you and the sole purpose of forgiveness is to let yourself have peace.

Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.

John F. Kennedy

With time you get better at ignoring that hurt and pain and soon you will forget it naturally.

Don’t make the effort to forget it though, that will happen naturally. And once you learn to let go, you will get better at it with time, though let me warn you, you might find yourself unconsciously detaching from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, Which is very okay.

Because once you’ve known peace, you will never want to be a prisoner of pain and hurt ever again.

Now that’s what we call GROWTH!

When you forgive, you heal. When you let go, you grow

How to forgive yourself

Yes, sometimes it’s not other people you are angry at but yourself. And the road to forgiving yourself can be a rocky one but the good news is it can be traveled.

First, remember that the sole purpose of forgiveness is to attain peace. And You cannot attain this peace by undoing your mistakes or your past since that cannot be undone.

  • The journey to forgiving oneself starts by accepting one’s faults and mistakes but also understanding you did the best you could, with the circumstances, the resources you had and your knowledge at the time.
  • After accepting the past and all the mistakes that came with it, you decide not to be a prisoner to your past, you choose to give yourself a chance at a peaceful future. You cannot change the past, but you can better the future.

Forgiveness is like medicine, it can heal your pain.

Forgive yourself and your mistakes and move on.

Les Brown

Should you forgive someone who isn’t sorry?

It is human nature to want to pay back evil for evil and I wouldn’t blame you if you decided not to forgive the wrongdoings of others. However, holding onto the pain and their wrongdoings will affect you more than it will any other person.

And yes, you should forgive people even when they aren’t sorry. Remember forgiveness is for you not for the other person?

Do it for yourself.

And if you really decide to do it, am really proud of you. Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry takes a special kind of strength, and I trust you have it.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different. You think forgiving means accepting what has happened to you, well it is accepting that it has happened to you.

Oprah Winfrey
Forgive but never forget.

Some people hold grudges so much and even brag they are so good at keeping beef. When they hear you say that you forgave someone, they lament at how weak you are and remind you that you and the other party haven’t been at log heads for such a long period. They are so proud of keeping beef and they will even jazz you for hours about the people they are not on talking terms with if you let them.

If you meet such a person pity them for that is what they truly deserve.

Keeping a grudge doesn’t show how strong you are but rather how weak you are. Forgiveness is a virtue for the strong.

And if you are on your journey to letting go, that is the last person you want to be close to.

How to forgive someone who hurt you.

Forgiving is a process and it isn’t going to happen in the blink of an eye. Sometimes you will find that you will have to keep forgiving the same thing until you finally let go. So be patient with yourself. You will surely get there if you intend to.

  • First, you need to acknowledge the purpose of forgiveness and how it will free you from your pain, guilt, and hurt.
  • Then find out what the other person did or said that is holding you bondage.
  • Don’t try to deny the pain, but rather accept that it happened and that you should let it go.
  • Decide to forgive the wrong and let it go no matter how bad it hurt. Remember you are doing it for yourself.
  • If you are still finding it hard to forgive the other person you might consider letting them know that something they did hurt you.
  • And whether or not they apologize, make it a point to let it go and move on with your life. Do this for yourself.

If you are still finding it hard to pardon the other person here is what you should do.

  • You could try seeking professional help from a counselor, or even joining a support group.
  • Practice gratitude meditation or even guided meditation to help calm you down.
  • Try looking at things from the other person’s point of view. Sometimes they dint even intend to hurt you or you might even be overreacting.
  • Remember the times you have hurt others and they have forgiven you. That might make it easier for you to forgive.
  • Lastly, make it a point to forgive the hurt each time you remember it.

That is the best way to attain a peaceful and fulfilling life for yourself.

What if you are the one who needs forgiveness?

And at some point, you might find you also need forgiveness. Go ahead and ask for it. BE SINCERE and acknowledge that something you have done might have damaged the relationship and you are sorry. And whether or not you are forgiven, have your peace, you have done your part.

You can’t force someone to forgive you, give them time, they might get over it as time goes by.

Be kind and keep playing your part as a friend. Believe that with time they will come around.

One day you will look back in gratitude.


Everything happens for a reason. One day you will know why and you will be grateful it happened like it did. For now just trust the process and have peace of mind.

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