Friends 1o1

One of my all time favorite books is HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE OTHERS by Dale Carnegie, that book is simply a MUST READ.

It’s a MUST-READ simply because friends are a big factor in life and how to live a great, normal and fulfilling life. Thou that doesn’t mean you need a thousand of them, the number is totally up to you and will vary from introverts to extroverts and ambiverts.

In his book Dale gives a full account of how to get other people to like you, how to win them over to your way of thinking and above all how to influence them to your advantage .

Being an introvert, making friends isn’t really my strong suit, i won’t lie. Yes i do know how to really make friends in theory but when it gets down to the practical life am so bad. Unless i really admire you, there i will surely make sure you are my friend. I love being friends with people who challenge me to be a better person, either you challenge me physically or psychologically, or i won’t really take much interest. But that’s just me and it doesn’t have to be you.

One thing with introverts is that they think they don’t really need other people (and not in a bad way really) they are just positive they can get what they want done easily and sometimes even better, all by themselves. And we also tend to like “our space” a little too much which makes it hard to let other people in.

But like everything, that can be worked upon too, you just have to be willing to.

There is a difference between friends and acquaintances.

Not everybody who hangs around you is your friend. Just because they hang around you doesn’t automatically make them your friends. Just because they know you, doesn’t make them your friends , you might be the enemy they are keeping closer. Learn to put people where they belong . Some people are just acquaintances and you might want to leave it at that, people like workmates, classmates, schoolmates and other people you may relate with.

But whether they be friends or remain acquaintances is a choice only you can make, depending on what space you want to leave between your work, school, and private lives .

An acquaintance is a person who knows you slightly, they may even know you a lot but you have less interest of having them in your life fully due to your own personal reasons. Maybe you don’t like the way they talk- they are rude, or they are into some bad things you don’t really wanna get involved in , it could also just be that you are from different worlds, they are bad influence, have an unpleasant behavior or you just don’t want to mix your work, school and personal lives.

Whatever the reason is, only you decide who should and can be your friend. Therefore if you want to make more friends, you just need to adjust your attitude to the concerned parties .

The thing with friends is that you share the same values, are there for each other when you need it, they are people who are always true to you, have your best interests at heart and they always look out for you .

Just because someone laughs with you doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart , people pretend well , just pay attention , real situations expose fake people.

One of the most difficult things to find is a person who knows your flaws, mistakes and weaknesses and still loves you the same.

Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. How you meet someone at some point in life and you just click, how someone you had never known before will love you, stand by you through life‘s trying moments and also be there to celebrate the sunny days with you. It’s nothing short of beautiful.

How to make friends as an adult

As an adult, making real friends can be difficult especially if socializing isn’t your strong suit. By the time we become adults we have experienced so many betrayals, lost so many friends and been hit by life’s harsh realities all which change our approach to life as adults.

But life’s harshest circumstances, don’t have to change us for the worst. Don’t let them turn you into someone your not.

Here are a few tips on how to make friends easily as an adult;

1. Be slow to judge ; When we are open to getting to know others before we jump to conclusions, we shall find that we can easily relate with others hence will find it easier to make friends. Sometimes we are already biased at people maybe because of the way they dress, talk, their looks, or even their flaws, that we don’t even give ourselves a chance to know them beyond that which we are biased about.

I learnt to stop judging other people for being different. We are all from different backgrounds and it’s okay if they aren’t like us.

2. Start by making the effort . Take that extra step ; When dealing with others, sometimes we may be shy to show that we want to be their friend which is exactly what we need to do to win them over. Extend yourself to them and let them know that you care enough to want a friendship with them.

3. Don’t stop at starting the relationship, build it too . Nourish it with love, honesty and care and let it grow.

• Remember the grass will be greener where you water it.

4. Be inclusive, the friendship will die with no communication, it’s not a fairytale.

5. Treat unkindness with kindness: As an adult, you need to understand there will be times when people are going through or have been through a lot and this causes them to be bitter. When someone is rude to you, be kind to them and you will find that they may even take back their words and apologize .

6. Learn to say am sorry, even when you aren’t the one in the wrong. So long as you value the friendship, put your ego aside and apologize, if it’s worth it. No one loves to be around someone who is full of themselves.

7. Have a positive attitude : One thing is people love to be around people who are cheerful, happy and positive towards life. People have so many problems and the last thing they need is bad energy. Once you understand this, you will make more friends easily.

How to make friends easily

Friendship like life is not as straight forward as the alphabet, if you want to make friends, your gonna have to put in effort, if you want to make them easily, your gonna put in even the more effort towards your own character building. Everything is hard before it is easy, but the good news is whatever you nourish grows.

You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than in 2 years by trying to get others interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

So there you have it! Become genuinely interested in other people and they will become genuinely interested in you. It’s as simple and difficult as that.

One way to become genuinely interested in others is to look for the values, interests and other things you and the other party have in common. It’s much more easier when you have something mutual .

1. To make more friendships easily, you might wanna start by going to places you like, it may be a restaurant, park, beach, library whatever it is. There you will find people who will share you interests and that’s a great place to start.
2. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain about others. Anyone can do that, and it will only get the other person in a worse mood than they were a minute ago.
3. Learn to say thank you, when someone does something good for you , however small it may be. Let your appreciation be sincere. Also normalize saying am sorry, when you realize you have hurt someone’s feelings.
4. Don’t command the other party no matter how strong the urge to assert your greatness, and no matter how right you feel you are. Just make suggestions and leave it to them to decide how to deal with their issues.
5. Normalize giving the other person or people compliments, and be sincere don’t flatter. Look for something you really like about them and compliment it.
6. Understand that you may always be wrong and don’t go around arguing with people over small matters.
7. Always show respect for other people’s opinions, just because you are right doesn’t mean the other person is wrong. And never boldly tell them that they are wrong.
8. Always be polite to people and respect them even without knowing what they do for a living.

How to make friends as an introvert.

As an introvert, opening up to other people may be quite challenging, but it doesn’t have to be . Introverts in themselves love their space and are big on protecting their privacy, privacy is everything for them.

• In addition to the tips given above, an introvert needs to first tune their mind and let go of negative beliefs about friendship. Try being more open-minded.

Introverts tend to think they don’t need other people since they can do everything by themselves and still have their peace. In this world, each person you meet will impact your life in a different way therefore it never hurts to have a little more friends.

• And not all friends have to be useful to you, you might be the one to be useful to some, always remember that.

• You can also choose to have someone has a friend in only one area of your life for example work, school, or personal life and not have them meddle where you don’t want them, that’s also always an option too.

• You could also start by giving a smile, a smile is contagious and may be the start of a life-long friendship with someone.

You need to stop thinking of yourself and start focusing on how to help others. How you could be useful to others , and when you do that, you will become a people magnet. People will seem to be attracted to you naturally.